“Done. Over. Finè. My happiness has run it course or at least is derailed until she comes back to me or I forget the feeling o being truly happy. To say I got hurt is like saying Hitler was not a nice guy. Physical pain of any torture type would be better than this. I feel as though you shattered my heart into a million pieces each so small and tiny it could pass through the eye of a needle, then when that wasn’t enough you spit on the wreckage. I know what I am and what im not and I know im not the best-looking guy, and there is a lot wrong with me mentally and while I might not be the brightest knife in the crayon box, I do know this. Even in this state of grief and sorrow each minute fragment of my heart still loves and cares for you more than I do my self or anything else. After all that has happened I still care for you, I still want to make you happy. My heart lies in a million pieces bleeding in a mess of hurt sorrow and deeply wounded depression. It hurts the most when you can actually feel your heart breaking. my internal self is at war, with my brain telling me to get away forget and never look back she hurt you three times in a row promising after each time it will be the last. Whilst my heart throws in its own strong opinion. She loves you she’s said it three times to you and repeated it several times on the last one, and I know I never said it back and its not because I don’t care that strongly for you its just a big deal for me and when I say it I wanted it to be special and genuine. When she’s with you she smiles so big she’s beautiful and happy. She told you that you’re the only one that when she kissed she felt it in her heart. Should I hate you because you hurt me? Or should I love you because you made me feel special for the first time in my life how ever brief it was? It’s like my mind knows what’s right but my heart is being retarded and still cares She told you you’re the only one who has ever treated her right. Why then am I the one who is getting hurt. How come if IM “Mr Right” why am I the one lethargic with depression. Why did/do you treat me the way you should have treated your piece of crap, douche bag ex boyfriends. Am I not “Mr right now” that’s what mom says that girls don’t appreciate guys like me until there older. I am conflicted internally with another war between the needs to forget Rachel and the needs to remember what it was like to be with her blissfully happy. She will come back. It felt like I was born the day you kissed me, died the day you left me, but lived for the time that you loved me. I know shes younger than me and I know we are both young but that doesn’t change the way I feel about her nor how strong and intense those feelings are. Time will make you forget me but time will never make me forget you. Some Day You’ll Cry For MeLike I Cried For You, Some Day You’ll Miss MeLike I Missed You, Some Day You’ll Need MeLike I Needed You, Some Day You’ll Love Me and I will still care for you ill wait with a broken heart and open arms I will wait for you for as long as I live . AllI desire is to just be friends again at least. I can not stand this, I just want it to be normal not weird. I will always be here for you and my feelings will never change. I am and will always remain most affectionately yours. My only hope is that I get to make a girl as happy as I possibly can prior to my death, and I hope it starts soon because I love to love .”
